Screenshot from Bravo Networks Real Housewives of New York..
We are living in an age of narcissism. I don’t even think that’s an “opinion” any more. We have relentlessly removed nuance, ethics, analogical thinking, meaningful debate, context and, hey — manners — from the cultural conversation. Trained by social media platforms to value the performative over the real, to take information at face value no matter how little sense it actually makes, to privilege rage and entitlement and punish sincerity, curiosity and “devil’s advocacy.”
What kind of sociopath installs a hall of mirrors without any warning or context?
Crafting an avatar is really easy, unlike crafting a fully-realized fictional character, or (cough) an actual self. Everyone loves hiding behind a keyboard, don’t we? We don’t have to take responsibility for anything, resolve anything, do any difficult self-development work or emotional labor. We can just unleash our ids at all and sundry, presenting ourselves as living dolls, as trolls, as saints, as warriors. Social media platforms are the ultimate costume shop. We were wearing masks long, long before COVID made them a thing.
Real people enter conversations with benign intent and uninformed opinions and we reduce them to little piles of ash. We amplify what we fear or find titillating: pornography, gossip, catfights, abuse. Throw in language barriers, reading comprehension variability, culture clashes and legitimate differing values, and non-sequential or simultaneous responses, and you’ve got a recipe for something that will devolve into a Biblical-grade Tower of Babel without committed patience, tolerance and mindfulness — none of which we are apparently capable of sustaining for ten seconds.
When the nets don’t seem quite loud enough, advertisers and individuals alike bait links with juicy headers on sex, scandals, dramatic disasters, cancel culture doggy piles or overzealous but flakey keyboard activism posing as “news“. Such thinly veiled click bait is also where bullies, hackers and other frauds loiter to cut their teeth.
Unexamined roadrage is the new black, and shaming has replaced baseball as the true American Pastime. Trolls and attention whores rejoice! Modesty is replaced with “influencers” who believe they are making an impact by crafting a persona. People are keenly interested in what they can extract, and not very interested in what they might be able to give.
Oh — yeah, I do have a point.
Every single one of us needs connection and support. Many of us need the web for that stuff. And it connects us — in some ways — like nothing else in human history. I can commiserate with a total stranger in Lagos or connect with my third grade playground buddy because of it. But it’s also, seriously, the worst way to communicate in a lot of ways.
I’m trying hard (really hard) to stay connected. Using the internet to do it is freighted and often vicious. But even before I had symptomatic Parkinson’s I could never have kept up with every single individual I’ve ever found interesting or considered a friend or wanted to know more about. What I’m saying is: From behind the scenes, I’m doing everything I can to remain connected privately and will continue to work in support of our community. I know you’re there too. At least I hope you are.
Masks and communication up next.